Sexual Aberrations of the Criminal Female II: Hell Is Other Women
Wherein: my pick for greatest horror movie ever directed by a woman is revealed!
Hello boys and ghoooools,
Last week I reviewed horror movies about the terrible things men do to women. This week’s movies are about the terrible things women do to each other, and themselves.
As before, all of these movies were directed by women, and I’ve rated each from 1 to 5 Marnies, my little homage to a late Hitchcock film where a publisher played by Sean Connery tries to unravel the mystery of the eponymous character’s madness.
And have I got noose for you: this week includes my favorite of the more than 45 movies that I watched for this gonzo project. Without further a-boo, I give you the greatest horror movie ever directed by a woman:
Saint Maud (2021), dir. Rose Glass
It’s terrific. In fact, by the power vested in me by watching one of these movies almost every night for six weeks straight, I declare Saint Maud the best. A recent Catholic convert, working as a home hospice nurse, takes charge of a skeptical choreographer, who is dying of a nasty cancer. Maybe the young nurse is in a cosmic battle between good and evil. Maybe she’s an isolated, sexually confused millennial losing her mind. What matters is that either way the characters’ pain and motivations—their fear, loneliness, and need—are recognizable and resonant. It’s scary, too. One particular moment troubled my sleep for days, and it’s nothing more than a woman’s voice off screen. That’s damn fine filmmaking.
5 out of 5 Marnies
Kiss of the Damned (2012), dir. Alexandra Cassavetes
I went into this one hoping for good schlocky fun. I was not disappointed. A lady vampire (who is also a poetry translator) meets an absurdly handsome screenwriter named Paolo and, despite his amorous advances, she must resist her urge for horizontal refreshment. I suppose it’s a reverse 50 Shades of Grey fantasy: “I’m dangerous, but he loves me anyway.” They’ll live happily ever after unless some minx, like her sister, starts to make trouble. The dialogue is wooden, the lighting and soundtrack are garish, and even the Apple product placement is shameless. It’s also the only movie I watched, out of dozens, that presented a woman’s sexuality as powerful and thrilling, rather than confusing, imperiled, or unwanted. Kiss of the Damned doesn’t delve too deeply into the mystery of feminine desire. Maybe that’s just as well. Whatever it had to say would be in…terrible taste.
4 out of 5 Marnies
Fun Paul trivia: I have now seen more Alexandra Cassavetes movies than John Cassavetes movies. Let no one accuse me of being a cineaste.
The Stylist (2020), dir. Jill Gevargizian
A lonely hairdresser murders her clients. The first scene builds slowly to a terrific payoff. (My jaw was agape.) The same could be said about the movie as a whole. Those looking for a thrill a minute will be disappointed, because it’s less a horror movie than a study of female loneliness and the friendship that might replace it, or tip into obsession. Is this female voyeurism? Not wanting another woman but wanting to be another woman? Whatever the case, and despite a few plot holes and extraneous scenes in the last act, when it should have been racing to its climax, I enjoyed this movie. I liked its vibrant colors, which always made sense within their contexts, and I honestly didn’t want the stylist to kill her victims. They were so alone. She was so alone. Few of these movies drew an emotional investment from me like this one did. I wanted everything to end well for the characters. It did not, though it also ended in a way I won’t soon forget.
4 out of 5 Marnies
Trouble Every Day (2001), dir. Claire Denis
I have now seen this movie twice and I’m still not sure what to say about it. It’s definitely French. There are long stretches without dialogue, and I like that.[1] There are couples, and one member of each couple suffers from vampirism. In one the vampire is the husband; in the other it’s the wife. Bloodthirst appears to be a metaphor for the intensity of their sex drives and the threat that those drives pose to petit-bourgeois domesticity. Again, French. I must say I appreciated the sympathetic portrayal of middle-aged husbands, who in this movie are either trying to keep themselves or their wives from sexing/eating everyone else. Marriage is hard work! I should emphasize that the film is by Claire Denis, who after the death of Godard may be the only French director with a significant international profile. There’s a reason she’s so famous. She’s good, and so is this movie. In terms of script, pacing, cinematography, and thematic coherence, it’s head and shoulders above almost anything else I watched. The climax is horrific. Still, the film feels a bit less like a thrill ride than a trip to the Louvre. Oh, well. I guess that’s what you go to Paris to see.
4 out of 5 Marnies
Nocturne (2020), dir. Zu Quirke
After a violinist commits suicide, a prestigious arts high school decides to re-audition the senior solo. This creates a rivalry between piano-playing twin sisters. One sister looks like a shoe-in, until the other discovers the suicide’s notebooks, which are full of disturbing, though inspiring, images and notations. The cinematography is interesting without being intrusive, especially in its use of mirrors, which nicely match the themes of doubles and borrowed identities that run through the film. I also appreciated the movie’s willingness to leave questions about the notebooks unanswered. There’s no lame exposition at the end. Much like the main character, though, it’s very good without being great. Although I will admit it sticks the landing.
3.5 out of 5 Marnies
Most Beautiful Island (2017), dir. Ana Asensio
A Spanish woman flees to NYC after her daughter’s death. Short of money, she accepts a friend’s offer to replace her as a paid attendee at a cocktail party for $2,000, or $4,000 if she’s invited back. It sounds too good to be true, but as her friend explains, “anything is possible in New York!” Indeed. The suspense builds slowly and surely, until it becomes well-nigh unbearable at the party itself—especially if you, like me, suffer from a certain phobia. The movie as a whole is a dark fairytale about how rich Americans toy with undocumented immigrants, and how eager other recent arrivals are to help them. It’s as contained as a chamber drama, with only a few characters in mostly interior spaces. I could imagine it as a Broadway play, which is to say it’s good without drawing much on what cinema can do for horror movies in terms of lights, music, and camerawork. That being said, it’s the only movie where I had to skip the climactic scene. Too creepy.
3.5 out of 5 Marnies
The Velvet Vampire (1971), dir. Stephanie Rothman
A handsome gallerist and his wife accept an invitation from a collector who lives way out in the deserts east of Los Angeles. It’s a fine example of the 70’s exploitation style. The film is grainy, but the color shines through anyway. The dialogue is so stilted that you can’t tell if it’s trying to be serious or funny. Also, there are dune buggies. Like any good exploitation film, it condemns and enjoys its subject at the same time. In this case, the subject is voracious female lust. With a barbiturate pace, brilliant colors, and outrageous 70’s wardrobe (the vampire’s fluffy pink evening gown must be seen to believed), it’s an enjoyable buggy ride back into film history.
3.5 out of 5 Marnies
Office Killer (1997), dir. Cindy Sherman.
Yes, that Cindy Sherman, the photographer who fully exhausted the artistic possibilities of the selfie before phones even had cameras. This is her one and only film, in which a mousy copy editor at Constant Consumer magazine, facing the prospect of staff reductions, performs a few terminations of her own. In her photography, Sherman’s basic subject is women playing women, whether for the good old male gaze or their own enjoyment, it’s never quite clear. Is the movie as mysterious and enthralling as Sherman’s photography? No, although the cinematography is quite good without being intrusive. A touch of German expressionism if I’m not mistaken, especially in the interiors. Also, the movie’s first act is hilarious. Sherman turns her usual campiness up to eleven, decking out the cast with hideous hairdos, exaggerated accents, ill-fitting costumes, and make-up reminiscent of tropical parrots. Office Killer bombed on release, probably because the plot is riddled with holes and the characters’ motivations make no sense, plus it’s less a horror movie than an office comedy. As long as you’re going in looking for laughs rather than scares, though, it’s fun. Doubly so for anyone nursing a grudge against the publishing industry.
3 out of 5 Marnies
The Wind (2018), dir. Emma Tammi
This movie answers the question “what if The VVitch, but the Middle VVest?” A pair of young couples settle on the great plains and descend into jealousy, madness, and murder, including possible infanticide. Most horror films have claustrophobic settings (the haunted house, the insane asylum, and so on), but the eternal silences of these infinite Midwestern spaces can be scary too. Replace the silence with deafening wind, and an existential freak out is all-but inevitable. Alas, though handsomely shot, cleverly plotted, and well worth your time at a brisk 85 minutes, The Wind never quite makes emptiness itself unsettling.
3 out of 5 Marnies
Bodies, Bodies, Bodies (2022), dir. Halina Reijn
A group of rich 20-somethings gather at a secluded mansion as a hurricane closes in. Then one of the party dies of a grisly knife wound. Is one of them the killer? It’s hard not to root for this hero, whoever he or she may be. These people are insufferable. They have podcasts and TikTok accounts and the finest moral vocabulary that tuition money can buy: “Don’t call her a psychopath. It’s so ableist!” Do I just like it because all of the things that clearly annoy the filmmakers annoy me, too? It’s more than that. At its heart, this movie’s a whodunit, as are so many of the old slasher films, and has all the fun that comes with trying to solve the puzzle as the bodies hit the floor one by one. The solution is clever, though a bit of a cheat.
3 out of 5 Marnies
The Manor (2021), dir. Axelle Carolyn
An aging woman moves into a rest home, where things start going bump in the night. The staff and other residents tell her it’s dementia; she suspects otherwise. Whether the evil is supernatural or human, it’s a classic haunted house scenario, brought to us by Blumhouse Productions, a prolific studio specializing in low-budget horror flicks that make mountains of money. If the screeching strings and jump scares are conventional, at least they’re done with impeccable technical skill. (Read: I shouldn’t’ve been scared but I was anyway.) The movie’s underlying anger at the way old people are ignored and abused is palpable but never overbearing, probably because the cast is terrific and never over-delivers a line. Despite a paint-by-numbers structure (scary things happen at night, exposition takes place during the day), it’s a fine example of the haunted house genre and an endorsement of the churn-‘em-out model of horror movies that’s been around since Hammer Films.
2.5 out of 5 Marnies
Satanic Panic (2019), dir. Chelsea Stardust
A broke delivery girl brings five pizzas to a mansion, and the residents stiff her on the tip. Also, they turn out to be Satanists and need her as a vessel for some demon. It’s the kind of thing meant to titillate the tweens at slumber parties after their parents are asleep. On the plus side, there’s a great voodoo doll scene, and Rebecca Romijn eats raw organs. Otherwise, though, it’s trying too hard to be hip, with both the cringe-worthy jokes and the political commentary (the Satanists are the rich, you see). If you catch your kids watching it, have a talk about age-appropriate horror movies, and give them something scarier.
1.5 out of 5 Marnies
Bleed with Me (2020), dir. Amelia Moses
At a secluded cabin in the woods, a young woman starts to think that her friend might be drinking her blood. Is it vampirism? Or is the main character just projecting her own unacknowledged desires onto her friend? Not a bad premise. Unfortunately, the dialogue isn’t very lively, the acting is downright anemic, the plot twists don’t add up, and as for the direction, it builds neither atmosphere nor suspense, so the scenes just kind of take place one after another. Even at just 80 minutes, it takes too long to bleed out.
1 out of 5 Marnies
Among Friends (2012), dir. Danielle Harris
A woman invites her annoying LA friends over for a murder mystery party, and one of them is the killer. I’m a sucker for whodunits, so I was excited at first. Then the identity of the villain is revealed after just 10 minutes, and it becomes The Exterminating Angel meets Saw. That makes the movie sound better than it is. The production values are cheap, which makes the torture porn even uglier, and the most off-putting thing about all the sadism is that the screenwriter and director, both of whom also star, seem to think it’s well deserved. They’re self-righteous and preachy. That’s not scary, just repellent. It’s also a horror-comedy without a single funny joke. Go watch a better movie about young people in LA. This place’s dead anyway.
1 out of 5 Marnies
Scariest movie of the week: “Saint Maude.” If you watch one scary movie this Halloween season, please make it “Saint Maude.” It’s terrific.
Funniest movie of the week: “Kiss of the Damned.”
Most memorable scene: The wedding ceremony at the end of “The Stylist”
Best movie for people who don’t like horror movies but remember the styles of the 70s fondly: “The Velvet Vampire”
Best movie for people who don’t like horror movies but have at one point or another smoked pipe tobacco or worn a beret un-ironically: “Trouble Every Day”
[1] One of the main reasons I still like movies better than TV shows, even prestige shows, is that characters on TV simply will not shut up. Movies allow silence. I suspect there’s a simple contextual reason for this difference. If there’s a gap in the dialogue during a movie, you’re not going to just get up and walk out of the theater. During a TV show, though, you might change the channel. Anyway, silence is a part of life, and with one or two exceptions I can think of (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Breaking Bad), TV just can’t handle it. Cinema still captures a wider amplitude of human experience. QED.